COMMON QUESTIONS ABOUT FINDING THE FAMILY:
HOW DO YOU FIND YOUR FAMILIES THAT PARTICIPATE IN THE YEAR LONG PROGRAM?
Our best tool for reaching families has been through DFS, and juvenile. And there’s been attorneys that have called us and referred people to us that way. There are also federal and state agents that have brought families to us that way. It means so much to us because they believe in what we are doing, and they see that it matters.
WHY DO YOU CALL IT “FINDING THE FAMILY?”
We all become family. We’re literally FINDING the family in the middle of the rubble of what this description of family is in our society and culture. So when they become part of the program, they really do become a part of OUR family.
WHEN DID YOU HOST YOUR VERY FIRST FAMILY?
In the year 2013, we started with our first family. We renovated the downstairs into a fully self-sustaining apartment. And we ran it that way for several years before we saw the need for building more homes on the property.
WHERE DO THE FAMILIES LIVE WHILE ATTENDING THE PROGRAM?
They live in homes located on the property that have been fully financed through the ministry’s fundraising. So when we started building the homes, that was really hard for me, because I’m not a fundraiser, but guess who got to do the fundraising is me! That was what God told me to do. We had we were supposed to build these homes and the Lord put it on my husband’s heart to do his part and put it on my heart to do my part.
HOW MANY FAMILIES DO YOU HOST AT ONCE?
We get to run three families a year through right now. We have a great vision of what it could be with more homes, but right now we are getting our three family legs going right now.
WHO WAS YOUR MENTOR? WHY IS MENTORSHIP IMPORTANT?
We have some incredible mentors who let us into their home a lot. One of my mentors, Candra, she taught me how to set a table. I didn’t know how to do that. She taught me how to cook on nothing, on $0 almost. She taught me how to not entertain but how to host, no matter how big or little my home was. She taught me how to host people and make them feel loved. And it was because of the love that we got shown that we get do that now to other families.
WHAT’S IS THE HARDEST PART?
When we have families that they come to us and they say, “I want to change” and then they say, “This is too hard,” I think that’s probably the hardest thing for me. I have to let go, and let God handle the rest of the story. We HAVE the reset button! There are resources and people all around our families but it takes a willing heart.
DO THE PARENTS WORK WHILE ATTENDING THE PROGRAM?
About a month to a month and a half into our families coming to the program, then they get to go get a job! It’s not that they have to go get a job, they get to go get a job based on their strengths. And we help facilitate that. So while they are financially padded for a little while, if they find themselves in a job that just isn’t a good fit or it’s something that will not help them in their recovery, then they have the ability to find a different job that suits them better. We don’t like them to hop from job to job job, but we also don’t want somebody to come out of recovery and into a position that is going to hurt them in the long run.
WHAT IF SOMEONE ALREADY HAS A JOB OR IS ESTABLISHED SOMEWHERE ELSE?
We have had people that have come to us with a job already and established in their work. But normally our families don’t come to us from local geographical area. And many times, that’s a good thing because they’re not on their stomping grounds when they’re healing. And geography isn’t everything, but it means a lot when you’re trying to completely hit the reset button.
We have a current family who I mean they were fully established in a different state. He had a job and they had actually used income tax money, COVID money, or whatever else to prepay on their their rent. They were they were established in their community. But one of the things that he said was, “I want to be completely different. I don’t want to do it halfway.” And he kept getting caught in the same patterns of destruction. And even though he had always worked, and they were not in a financial hole when they came to us, that wasn’t their goal. It’s about completely changing your life. You’re able to see life differently. You WANT Jesus first. You WANT to leave the addiction behind. Is there anything that is more important than life abundance? No, there’s not. And we get to help them in finding that ‘life abundant.’
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT THIS MINISTRY?
This sounds terrible to say, but truly did surprise me! It was the friendships that we have made and developed with the people who come through Finding the Family. There is a very big aspect of the leadership that we have to have as directors and administrators of the ministry. BUT! These families come into our home and cook with us. And we talk about the Word of God together. And we cry with one another. And we laugh with one another. That’s probably one of my favorite things about this ministry, is that God is calling us together as a family. As a family, we are the family of God.
WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS WHO ATTEND THE PROGRAM WITH THEIR PARENTS?
When I talk about parents who struggle with drug and alcohol abuse, and how it effects their kids, that’s where their breaking point is. I think some moms and dads finally realize what the kids are going through. I as a child, watched my dad deteriorate in front of me with his drugs and alcohol and the abuse that went along with it. And so I know firsthand what a child’s mind retains. I also know what it feels like to not know that certain behaviors are not normal in somebody else’s home. The kids that go through this emotional turmoil end up being more frightened and more reserved. They have behaviors that they don’t even understand.
So part of what we try to do, is help them understand how to de escalate from behaviors when they get way out of hand. We help them learn how to cope. So just like we teach the moms and dads how to cope with their issues, the kids have to learn how to cope too. We are consistent with the children because that’s the early part of restructuring what normalcy is in their life. It just takes steady, consistent behavior of loving God putting him first that helps quieten those fears that these children have.