BACKSTORY

21 years ago I gave my heart to Christ. It wasn’t just this profound that I had. It was a compilation of things that had happened, one right after another. It was wonderful and scary, and I was actually sad a lot because I didn’t know how to give up being who I thought I was.

So when we got to the local church, and we walked into this little room. There were probably five or six people sitting around, and I was introduced to all of them. They were all very happy to meet me and I felt very welcomed. I sat down, and immediately I took note. Because I thought, I’m going to look the right way. I’m going to fit in.

So I’m looking around and I notice they all had gel pens, little notebooks and a Bible. So we went through the first class and I was just given all kinds of very insightful thoughtful answers to things that I had no idea what I was saying they had just introduced the book of Nehemiah. So I said okay I can’t wait to see you guys next week and I went to the dollar shop, and got some gel pens, a notebook and a Bible and I went back the next week. I found out this was kind of an utter failure because everybody had actually written in all of their stuff and I realized I’ve got to do homework.

I go home and I start studying the book of Nehemiah, and we went through verse by verse. And I’m telling you something was happening, because, like it says in God’s word. His word is sharper than any two edged sword, it cuts down to the deepest parts of us. I literally was being transformed every time I opened up his Word. I’m writing down things about what they did. It said that they had a sword one hand and they had mortar in the other. It was literally saying that these people were having to fight other people while they rebuilt their walls, that were actually their homes.

Nobody knew in that class that I was not saved. Nobody knew that I was a meth addict. Nobody knew that I couldn’t get through my day without joint after joint to ‘calm my nerves to get me focused.’ Nobody knew those things about me, but God did.

And as I read through that, and I studied that, I get to chapter nine. It says they confess their sins to one another and the sins of their dads and moms and everybody got to know everybody really intimately. And then they threw a party! They said they’re going to serve God, and they’re so happy to do that, and nobody was judging anybody. By this point, God is becoming very real to me. I read that and I think to myself, it would be so nice if I could just go to church and I could tell them all, “Well listen, I’m actually a meth addict, and I’m trying to raise my children and and be a good mom and a good wife and and I’m failing because I’m an actually an addict.” I thought, how can I do that?! How can I tell people that?!

SHAME DOESN’T SAVE. JESUS DOES.

And so as I’m walking through the house and I’m bargaining with God, I actually hear His voice. “Stop bargaining with me.” And in that moment I fell to my knees and I stopped bargaining. I snotted and slobbered, and cried all over that little trailer, and I found God in a very real way. I didn’t even know all about Jesus yet, but I did know that I was falling into the arms of a Good Good Father. Shame, did not save me. His love saved me. His love literally pulled me in and sat me on a perfect father’s lap.

I was reading the book of Jeremiah, and when I came to chapter 25 Verse 31, it blew me away. It said that He enters into judgment with us. We will be judged, but He enters into judgment with us. That means that He has taken the shame. What Jesus did for us on the cross, He actually took the shame for us. When our families come to us and they are so full of shame, we like to remind them that Jesus has already taken that shame for them. They don’t need to worry about doing the right thing, acting the right way, they just need to put their trust in Jesus.